Wrapped Up in Me

In less than a week, I will be in Arizona looking for a new place to call home. Majestic  mountains, a quiet valley, a lone Cactus in bloom, ample sunshine, and 100+ degree heat… Crazy? I think  not. Am I the  conductor of my own orchestra, or is there something drawing me in, cajoling me forward? Regardless, the time has come.

The details seem endless.  The planning, overwhelming.  So my thoughts are constantly racing with things I have to do, ways to make this move a reality, and questions for which I want answers.  Yet there is the friend, reaching out, in need of my help.  Have I been so wrapped up in me that I am unable to provide a shoulder, offer guidance, or simply be present?  A daughter, preparing for graduation, anxious to enter her college experience, filled with anticipation, rattled nerves, but also big dreams.  Have I been too wrapped up in me that I have briefly relinquished my duty as mom, unable to offer assurance, listen to her reservations, her thoughts, her dreams?

So, I will pause for awhile today. Pause, not stop, and simply be in today.  All of the things I have yet to do, all of the dreams I have for myself, will still be there and do not have to be put on the shelf to collect dust.  I simply need to be present in today.  Allow myself to be open to others, to listen, to guide if necessary.

At this time, next week, I will be in the mountains, breathing in the clean air and taking in the beauty.  But for today, I will be here, not wrapped up in me, but looking outward.

– Patti Crowley

Surrender

Directly in front of me
It taunts me, laughing with that wicked smile
Just out of reach, yet I attempt a desperate grasp
I sigh, exasperated when my hand comes back empty
Empty as I

For a moment, I concede
I take a step back, looking at the paved path behind
The long stretches of smooth bricks, thoughtfully placed
Mixed with fleeting sharp curves
Twists and turns with patterns I have yet to comprehend

Turning back around, facing once again what calls to me, haunts me
Taking a long, measured breath
Tightly closed eyes,
I loosen my clenched fists, toss back my head, and smile
Peace settles within as I surrender to what will Be.

~ Patti Crowley